Divorce – How to talk to your children

If your child is young…

You will want to talk to them about your divorce with your partner. You may want to leave the talk up to the parent that is closer to the child if they are in their teens or older. A child, at any age, will have an issue with their parents during a divorce.

You will want to be careful how you handle the situation because you never know what may happen and what the child might do to react to the divorce. Divorce is the hardest for small children. Their entire world seems to collapse

They will become enraged and scared.

They won’t know what to expect, until you talk to them.  They will feel like they have just become an orphan. When it come to a divorce with children involved, you will want to do it quickly and do a lot of damage control. You will need to talk to them about how they feel. However, you CAN learn how to support your child through this.

How to you tell your child that daddy/mommy is moving out?

You should talk about your break up and the divorce as soon as you know that it will go through. You will need to tell the child what is going to happen so they can expect everything and not be affected by surprise or shock. You need to make sure that they understand that your marriage did not fail because of them.

You will want to tell your child that they are still loved and that nothing, other than sleeping arrangements will change. The kids need to know that they aren’t losing a parent. If you find it hard to be together with your partner, then you may take your child aside and talk to them with another person that loves them very dearly. You may even want to ask the babysitter, or someone else whom they are close to, to help give the child support and reassurance that everything will be ok. 

Try to make the talk quick and easy.

Tell your child what divorce means. Tell them how divorce will effect their lives, and be as honest as possible. You need to tell them why you are getting a divorce, explain the word divorce, and then tell them how it will affect their relationship with their parents.

Make sure that you don’t say anything bad about your partner. Just tell your kids that you feel that the two of you would be better apart. The kids are smart and may agree, but they will be angry and scared because they do not feel secure.

Don’t ever say anything about the divorce that is negative, even if you are on the phone in a different room. You never know when they are listneing and how it will effect their lives.

Encourage them in order to Understand

You should not just tell your kids how YOU feel and about the divorce and then never talk about it again. You need to encourage them to ask questions for the next couple of months and beyond. Again, keep in mind that smaller children will find it the most difficult, so make sure they feel safe and secure even when one of their parent’s move out.

Some of the questions that you need to be prepared to answer are:

What’s a divorce?

Why are you two getting a divorce?

Do you still love them?

Can I see the other parent?

All of these questions need to be answered as soon as possible so that they can feel secure again. You may want to ask their teachers if they are acting up and for any tips or news that may suggest that the child is having a hard accepting the news.